Failure is not an option

I recently went on a retreat to get away from everything. I went camping with my dear pirate friends. Just staring into the fire and looking into the sky. Made me feel my savior's love. I hate that I'm weak. I don't forgive easy and I'm one of my harshest judges. Recently I was made to be weak, someone did something and blah blah blah. Basically they took their drama to me and I didn't take it. I've lost 2 friends out of it, one because she was stupid and I can't handle talking to stupid people, the other I lost because I need to grow and learn how to live without that fallback. I need to know how to be ok without having to have to talk to him. One of the hardest things in life is to let someone go when they are hurting you... maybe one day I can have him back but until then I'll always love you.

Step 2: Hope

Come to believe that the power of God can restore you to complete spiritual health.

As someone who believes I have done like everything I can to place myself away from the lord complete spiritual health is hard to come by. But this is repentance. It is the foundation for repentance. What it's all about. But I must humble myself to ask for his help.

Step 1: Honesty

Admit that you, of yourself, are powerless to overcome you addictions and that your life has become unmanageable.

I fully admit this. My addictions has placed me into debt, I've lost my job, my friends, my hobbies, and some of my mind. I don't have a lot of choices when it comes to the future but this is one of them. To keep going. In keeping with the steps I have become honest about my addiction to myself and to those around me. I often feel encompassed or trapped in situations or in life in general. Being alone and single with friends. No one to talk to before I go to bed at night. Loneliness being a huge factor in why I began in the first place.
Placing trust in the Lord is a big issue for me, I haven't always in the past and have failed. I know the only path to suceed is by faith. But I don't have a lot of faith. I literally watched someone die from this disease and it kinda placed a huge dent into my faith.

when I close my eyes and drift away....

have you ever skipped time? like time just stops for a minute and then you wake up and it's 2 years later.... I've just experienced it. I don't know if I should keep going like the past 2 years haven't happened? Or do I play catchup and try to get up to date? I wish Justin was here. He'd know exactly what to say and what to do...

Staying out of it

Everyone has problems right? So what happens to these problems when it comes to your friends? Do you share everything and talk it all out and when updates come you tell the other people and just share share share? Or do you stay out of it. I am in a situation where I see a problem that two people are just not handling. My personal opinion is to do whatever you can to make other people happy. But in doing this I am putting my head somewhere it doesn't belong and that does NOOONE any good. So I stay out of it. In the process I am going silently insane from these people's stupidity. A friend suggested everyone is lying and it's kind of a good and bad advice. In truth everyone involved is lying to someone. Either to themselves, the other person, me, and the world is up to them. But how do I, being a recovering lieaholic, just accept all this bull shit? I just want to stay out of it and laugh at the situation without becoming a bitch and cynic and that's how I'm ending up. I have too many problems of my own to become involved in this. But let me just say if I say something and someone takes it the wrong way. Remember I'm still grieving. Every day hurts when I don't wake up with Justin next to me and sometimes those days get bad. But I'm trying so we'll see.

New Hair

Ok I'm having a debate on whether I should grow my hair out or still keep it short. So please vote!!!

Clue Mystery Dinner

So my friend Bryan decided to throw a date night murder mystery dinner for us and our friends for his brother Matthew and his girlfriend. It was so much fun! I was Mrs. Peacock and my date, Brian Talbot, was Admiral Navy my husband. Bryan and his date were Col. and Mrs. Mustard. Brittanie Jordan and Shaun Boulter were Mr. and Mrs. White. Bret Michaelsen and Jackie Schaffe were Rhett and Vivian Scarlett. Nate Payne and Tylene Baker were Prof. Plum and Miss. Peach. and Matt and Heather were Mr. and Mrs. Green. It was awsome! It turned out that Mrs. Mustard was the murderer and she framed it on her husband!

All of us in costume:

The bloodthirsty men:

The Murderous Women:

Mr. and Mrs. White:

Rhett and Vivian Scarlett:

Admiral Navy and Mrs. Peacock:

Colonel and Mrs. Mustard:

Prof Plum and Georgiana Peach:

Mr and Mrs Green: