Stage 1

So I went to the hospital today to get my cervix frozen. It went really well but excruciatingly painful. It was miserable and now I have horrible cramps, but I get checked again in a month or two and hopefully (fingers crossed) this will have killed it off!!!! Thank you everyone for supporting me!

Makes me that much stronger

So, about a month ago I went to my gyno to have my womanly check up and get told that I have some irregularities and that I have contracted HPV. Now instead of feeling really like sad instead I get super pissed off because I paid to get the Guardasil shot and it's super expensive and I got the damn disease anyway! But I decide it's ok and everything's fine and ask my doc what to do. She tells me that we need to do a special procedure involving opening me wide and shovint a microscope up my cough cough and taking samples to see how far along the disease is. After this horrible experience I have to wait and wait and wait until I get my test results back. Cervical cancer. The big C. There is not much news after that that compares to how it feels to be told you have the number one killer in America. Cancer. I'm going to the doc on Wed and having the cancerous cells frozen and then I guess we'll see what happens. But I'm super scared. I feel really alone on this. Luckilly I have Justin who loves me and says he'll be right here holding my hand through the whole thing. It's terrifying and weird and awful but I think I'll be alright. Justin and I always wanted to adopt anyway. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger and all that jazz. I'm going to make it through this. I don't care how much it takes but I'll make it through somehow.

To my friends...

Let's pretend we're riding on a kite.
Let's imagine we're flying through the air!
We'll ascend until we're out of sight.
Light as paper, we'll soar!
Let's be wild, up high above the sand, feel the wind, the world at our command.
Let's enjoy the view, and never land.
Floating far from the shore.
Some things are meant to be, the clouds moving fast and free.
The sun on a silver sea.
A sky that's bright and blue.
And some things will never end.
The thrill of our magic ride.
The love that I feel inside for you.
We'll climb high beyond the break of day.
Sleep on stardust, and dine on bits of moon
You and I will find the Milky Way.
We'll be mad, and explore.
We'll recline a loft upon the breeze.
Dart about sail on wit with ease.
Pass the days doing only as we please, that's what living is for.
Some things are meant to be, the tide turning endlessly,
the way it takes hold of me, no matter what I do,
and some things will never die, the promise of who you are,
the memories when I am far from you.

............."Some Things Are Meant To Be" from the broad way musical Little Women

I love you guys!

My soulmate

My soulmate's name is Justin Daniel Larsen. He is everything to me. We mean everything to each other. I have loved before but I never have been in love until I met Justin. Love isn't about roses and fancy restraunts and gifts and passionate kisses. It's when you know deep in your heart and soul that you have met the one person who makes you complete. The yin and yang. To the point where I don't know where I end and he begins. Today we danced to our song so I decided to share it with you...

I can only give you love that lasts forever
And a promise to be near each time you call,
And the only heart I own
For you and you alone,
That's all, that's all.
I can only give you country walks in springtime
And a hand to hold when leaves begin to fall,
And a love whose burning light
Will warm the winter night,
That's all, that's all.
There are those,
I am sure, that have told you
They would give you the world for a toy.
All I have are these arms to enfold you
And a love time can never destroy
If you're wondering what I'm asking in return, dear,
You'll be glad to know that my demands are small.
Say it's me that you'll adore
For now and ever more,
That's all, that's all.