I love it! They drew on a bunch of Viking symbols and then painted to see them in blackout paint and shone a blacklight on me. It was amazing!
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Modeling
I got the chance to participate in the only photography company in Utah to model for them in their blacklight series. It wss amazing I loved it so much! My photographer was Brady Tracy. This is one of my photos.
I love it! They drew on a bunch of Viking symbols and then painted to see them in blackout paint and shone a blacklight on me. It was amazing!
I love it! They drew on a bunch of Viking symbols and then painted to see them in blackout paint and shone a blacklight on me. It was amazing!
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Ahhhhh a little Manson and things feel great
So one of my coping mechanisms is to put on headphones and listen to grunge music really loudly so it blocks out all other sound and right now I have on "Dope Show" by Marilyn Manson. Some people would be turned off by this because he's kind of a freak but musically he's amazing!!!! Op now slipknot..... ah...... musical bliss. it's like white noise. beautiful. Well a little update on life I've been going to school now for 2 weeks and I'm loving it! It's super hard and I didn't think it would be but it is and I'm loving the distraction. It is making things a lot easier. I read this in a friend's blog and I think I'm going to try it. Here goes:
Dear Ian,
Please stop creeping into my dreams. You're far too irresistable for me and it makes me miss you. So if you could stop so I can move on with my life I'd be pleased. cus i'd be lying if i told you losing you was something I could handle.
Dear Brian,
Please stop.
Dear friends,
I miss you. If you could only stop being so judgemental we'd get along. Sadness.
Dear Ian,
Please stop creeping into my dreams. You're far too irresistable for me and it makes me miss you. So if you could stop so I can move on with my life I'd be pleased. cus i'd be lying if i told you losing you was something I could handle.
Dear Brian,
Please stop.
Dear friends,
I miss you. If you could only stop being so judgemental we'd get along. Sadness.
Friday, August 20, 2010
Accidental Overdose
So as you all know I take lots of medications for my several problems, well a couple days ago I woke up with one of the worst migraine's in the world so I took my morning meds and tried to get rid of this migraine by taking a percocet and I had cramps so I took some midol and yes smoked a little. Slap my wrist get over it I was having problems. The next thing I know my lips are blue and I'm convulsing in my bed. I'm home alone and overdosing. Right as I get out my phone to start calling for help my dad walks in the door. Now my tongue is swelling and I'm in shock and I can't talk, but I can scream like a mofo and my Dad called 911 and got an ambulance over who took me to the hospital who told me that the combination of drugs I took were bad. Now remember what I took. Innocent isn't it? I had a migraine and cramps and thought I could just take some meds and everything would be fine. When I got to the hospital my Dad and Bishop gave me a blessing and I believe this helped save my life. I didn't do this on purpose it was just an honest accident and it happens every day. Whether or not it is on purpose or an accident some people do not know what to do. My story is just how easy it is to accidentally overdose. Some people don't know the proper protochol (sp) on how to deal with this so this is the proper protocol:
Whether it's a child that has swallowed some poisonous household liquid or a teen that has taken too many pills, it's important to know exactly what to do in case of an accidental overdose. Every household should post emergency numbers on or by the phone for just such an accident.
Upon discovering that someone has been accidentally poisoned the first order of business is to call for emergency medical help. Upon reaching someone you will likely be asked if the person is still breathing and some other pertinent questions.
Some things you may need to tell medical personnel is what drug or poison was taken, and how much, if you know that information, the status of the victim, that is, whether he is conscious, vomiting, convulsing, the approximate weight of the victim, any medications the victim takes on a regular basis, and any medical problems you are aware of, such as high blood pressure or diabetes.
While awaiting an ambulance remove anything from the victim's mouth that might prevent him or her from breathing properly. One indication that the person isn't receiving the proper amount of oxygen is that you'll begin to notice shades of blue on parts of the body. The tongue or fingernails are the first to turn blue, followed by lips and skin. If you see blue anywhere on the body turn it on its back, unbutton any collar buttons, and lift the jaw to where it juts outward. This will open the airway more and help with breathing. Begin mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, but only if the victim is not breathing.
If the victim is convulsing or unconscious, roll him over onto his stomach and turn the head to one side. If the victim vomits this will help to keep him from choking. Cover the victim with a blanket until the paramedics arrive.
If the person is still conscious get him to drink an 8 ounce glass of water to help dilute the poison. It may help you to know that most poisoning victims do recover. Only a handful need hospitalization and very few die - if emergency help is received quickly.
Keep syrup of ipecac on hand, particularly if you have small children. Upon contacting a poison control center you may be advised to administer the syrup, so that the victim will vomit the poisons. Do not give the syrup if you have not been told by a poison control specialist to do so.
Prepare for unexpected emergencies in advance by writing down the numbers to poison control, hospital, and regular physician. Keep syrup of ipecac on hand. Learn CPR basics. Keep all medications and cleaning fluids in locked cabinets, out of reach of children and animals. Never put medications in containers that were previously used for food. Never remove labels from medications where the medicine name and dosage can no longer be read. And, always throw away medications when you're finished taking them.
Knowing what to do in case of an overdose will help you stay level-headed and in control until the loved one can get emergency treatment. Until then, you are all the victim has. Follow these guidelines and you may, one day, help save a life.
Whether it's a child that has swallowed some poisonous household liquid or a teen that has taken too many pills, it's important to know exactly what to do in case of an accidental overdose. Every household should post emergency numbers on or by the phone for just such an accident.
Upon discovering that someone has been accidentally poisoned the first order of business is to call for emergency medical help. Upon reaching someone you will likely be asked if the person is still breathing and some other pertinent questions.
Some things you may need to tell medical personnel is what drug or poison was taken, and how much, if you know that information, the status of the victim, that is, whether he is conscious, vomiting, convulsing, the approximate weight of the victim, any medications the victim takes on a regular basis, and any medical problems you are aware of, such as high blood pressure or diabetes.
While awaiting an ambulance remove anything from the victim's mouth that might prevent him or her from breathing properly. One indication that the person isn't receiving the proper amount of oxygen is that you'll begin to notice shades of blue on parts of the body. The tongue or fingernails are the first to turn blue, followed by lips and skin. If you see blue anywhere on the body turn it on its back, unbutton any collar buttons, and lift the jaw to where it juts outward. This will open the airway more and help with breathing. Begin mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, but only if the victim is not breathing.
If the victim is convulsing or unconscious, roll him over onto his stomach and turn the head to one side. If the victim vomits this will help to keep him from choking. Cover the victim with a blanket until the paramedics arrive.
If the person is still conscious get him to drink an 8 ounce glass of water to help dilute the poison. It may help you to know that most poisoning victims do recover. Only a handful need hospitalization and very few die - if emergency help is received quickly.
Keep syrup of ipecac on hand, particularly if you have small children. Upon contacting a poison control center you may be advised to administer the syrup, so that the victim will vomit the poisons. Do not give the syrup if you have not been told by a poison control specialist to do so.
Prepare for unexpected emergencies in advance by writing down the numbers to poison control, hospital, and regular physician. Keep syrup of ipecac on hand. Learn CPR basics. Keep all medications and cleaning fluids in locked cabinets, out of reach of children and animals. Never put medications in containers that were previously used for food. Never remove labels from medications where the medicine name and dosage can no longer be read. And, always throw away medications when you're finished taking them.
Knowing what to do in case of an overdose will help you stay level-headed and in control until the loved one can get emergency treatment. Until then, you are all the victim has. Follow these guidelines and you may, one day, help save a life.
Updating!
So I realize I haven't updated in like forever so I'm going to. I start school on Monday for Phlebotomy and I'm way way way excited!! I am really just focusing on school and getting back with my church and playing with my niece and nephew whom I love more than anything in the whole wide world. As for boys I'm boycotting them until I can find one worthy. They're a giant waste of time unless they're worthy of you so I'm going and content with waiting. As for sobriety I did have a relapse about a week ago.... stupid weddings..... but hey a problem is just an opprotunity waiting to happen! I'm so excited to start my new life goals. I've decided to take the I don't care attitude. As someone once put it "shit happens, deal with it" so I'm going to and I have and things are looking up!
Friday, July 30, 2010
The Meteor Shower
So I decided I wanted to go to the meteor shower last night and got everything ready and as I am driving up the mountain 2 foxes crossed my path and ran down. It was so cool cus I've never seen one before and it was amazing. So then keep driving and meet a deer! And it had a baby and they looked at me and ran. It was so awesome I just lit a fire and watched this beautiful display of the heavens. So beautiful. As I am watching I look to my right and sitting next to me is a racoon. Just chillin with me. It sat there and I was scared of rabis so I didn't do anything and then it ran off. So cute! One painful night's sleep in the back of my SUV... I woke up and was eating breakfast out in my chair and yet 3 more deer! They watched me and then they consisted to eat with me. They just continued doing their thang. Then one of them walked up to me light real close and just stood by me and then another one, probably it's Mom called to it and hissed and stomped it's foot and the deer ran I ran back to my car. It was so crazy! And I saw a bunch of squirrels. So many creature it was like Dr. Doolittle!
now if you think like I do that this is a cool sign this is what meeting a Squirrel, a Deer, A Racoon and a Fox:
SQUIRREL
Gathering, Activity, Preparedness
The gathering power of Squirrel is a great gift.
It teaches us balance within the circle of gathering and giving out.
They remind us that in our quest for our goals,
it is vital to make time for play and socializing.
Squirrel teaches us to conserve our energy for times of need.
If your totem is Squirrel or Squirrel has recently entered your life,
lighten your load of things that are unnecessary –
things that you have gathered in the past and may be cluttering your life –
thoughts, worries, and stresses.
Squirrel is also the totem of action.
Ask yourself are you too active, not active enough, afraid of enough,
hung up on accumulating and collecting.
Squirrel people tend to be a little erratic – trying to do many things at once.
Take the time to stop and listen to your inner self – and don’t forget to play!
DEER
Gentleness and Innocence
Deer teaches us to use the power of gentleness
to touch the hearts and minds of
wounded beings who are in our lives.
Don't push towards change in others,
rather gently nudge them in right direction
with the love that comes from a Deer totem.
When a Deer totem shows up in your life,
a new innocence and freshness in about to be awakened.
There is going to be a gentle lure of new adventures.
There will be an opportunity to express the gentle love
that will open new doors for you.
FOX
Magic, Shapeshifting, Invisibility
Fox are seen as totems throughout the world:
the Chinese believed they could take human form,
in Egypt the fox brought favor from the gods,
there was a fox god in Peru,
foxes help the dead get to the next life in Persia,
Cherokees, Hopi other American Indian tribes
believed in its healing power;
the Apache credited the fox with giving man fire.
Since the fox lives "between times" --
on the edge of land, visible as dusk and dawn, and can guide the way to the Faerie Realm.
A fox can teach you to control your aura so that you can be more in harmony
with others and the world.
If you have a fox totem, learning to be invisible is very important in your life.
Imagine yourself blending in with your surroundings, becoming part of the background.
Be very still and quiet.
Through practice you can be unnoticed even at a party or in a crowd.
I have an acquaintance who used this power to evade several muggers;
he stood there in plain sight next to a building ,
and blended himself into the wall;
they did not see him and left without harming him. It can be done!
A fox totem also teaches good eating habits;
the fox eats small amounts frequently which medicine is now telling us is better for our health.
But fox people already knew this.
The fox is a wonderful totem to have.
RACCOON
Dexterity and Disguise
The magic of the Raccoon is in its mask.
Masks are a powerful magical tool:
you can achieve altered states
through the use of mask,
you can become
someone or something else
behind a mask.
A Raccoon totem can teach you how to wear masks for many reasons
as the need arises.
It can teach you how to mask, disguise and transform yourself.
Don't you act differently with your boss, parents, children, husband, friend, strangers.
Those are all masks you put on.
Masks are one of the tools of transformation.
It helps us to change what we are into what we want to be.
Raccoons also teach you how to put asleep the part of you that is not needed
and awaken the aspect of yourself that is.
If you are a Raccoon person, eating mostly fruit and vegetables will be beneficial to your health.
A Raccoon totem has a long influence on your life.
It is not a short-time totem, but rather will stay with you for a long time.
now if you think like I do that this is a cool sign this is what meeting a Squirrel, a Deer, A Racoon and a Fox:
SQUIRREL
Gathering, Activity, Preparedness
The gathering power of Squirrel is a great gift.
It teaches us balance within the circle of gathering and giving out.
They remind us that in our quest for our goals,
it is vital to make time for play and socializing.
Squirrel teaches us to conserve our energy for times of need.
If your totem is Squirrel or Squirrel has recently entered your life,
lighten your load of things that are unnecessary –
things that you have gathered in the past and may be cluttering your life –
thoughts, worries, and stresses.
Squirrel is also the totem of action.
Ask yourself are you too active, not active enough, afraid of enough,
hung up on accumulating and collecting.
Squirrel people tend to be a little erratic – trying to do many things at once.
Take the time to stop and listen to your inner self – and don’t forget to play!
DEER
Gentleness and Innocence
Deer teaches us to use the power of gentleness
to touch the hearts and minds of
wounded beings who are in our lives.
Don't push towards change in others,
rather gently nudge them in right direction
with the love that comes from a Deer totem.
When a Deer totem shows up in your life,
a new innocence and freshness in about to be awakened.
There is going to be a gentle lure of new adventures.
There will be an opportunity to express the gentle love
that will open new doors for you.
FOX
Magic, Shapeshifting, Invisibility
Fox are seen as totems throughout the world:
the Chinese believed they could take human form,
in Egypt the fox brought favor from the gods,
there was a fox god in Peru,
foxes help the dead get to the next life in Persia,
Cherokees, Hopi other American Indian tribes
believed in its healing power;
the Apache credited the fox with giving man fire.
Since the fox lives "between times" --
on the edge of land, visible as dusk and dawn, and can guide the way to the Faerie Realm.
A fox can teach you to control your aura so that you can be more in harmony
with others and the world.
If you have a fox totem, learning to be invisible is very important in your life.
Imagine yourself blending in with your surroundings, becoming part of the background.
Be very still and quiet.
Through practice you can be unnoticed even at a party or in a crowd.
I have an acquaintance who used this power to evade several muggers;
he stood there in plain sight next to a building ,
and blended himself into the wall;
they did not see him and left without harming him. It can be done!
A fox totem also teaches good eating habits;
the fox eats small amounts frequently which medicine is now telling us is better for our health.
But fox people already knew this.
The fox is a wonderful totem to have.
RACCOON
Dexterity and Disguise
The magic of the Raccoon is in its mask.
Masks are a powerful magical tool:
you can achieve altered states
through the use of mask,
you can become
someone or something else
behind a mask.
A Raccoon totem can teach you how to wear masks for many reasons
as the need arises.
It can teach you how to mask, disguise and transform yourself.
Don't you act differently with your boss, parents, children, husband, friend, strangers.
Those are all masks you put on.
Masks are one of the tools of transformation.
It helps us to change what we are into what we want to be.
Raccoons also teach you how to put asleep the part of you that is not needed
and awaken the aspect of yourself that is.
If you are a Raccoon person, eating mostly fruit and vegetables will be beneficial to your health.
A Raccoon totem has a long influence on your life.
It is not a short-time totem, but rather will stay with you for a long time.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Where have all the Gentlemen gone?
Fedoras, black ties, evening gowns, lipstick, and courtship. When these words come into my mind I think of the classic iconic love and romance of the 40's. Today when I think of dating and romance the words match.com, hanging out, cyberdates, and hot dog on a stick come to mind. Why do you ask? Because this is what our generation of romance has come down to. So I would like to write a little something to show men what women want.
Asking a girl out:
Do you A: text message her asking "would you like to hang out sometime maybe?"
or B: in person ask "I am really interested in trying to get to know you better, would you allow me the honor of taking you out on a date?"
If you said A I give you a smack on the head. No girl wants to tell their friends yeah he just texted me asking to hang out. If you use method B your odds of getting a yes and a date are 4/5.
Why is it that text messaging has now become the way to ask out someone on a date? It's in no way romantic and a little cowardish that you don't want to take me out on a date, you want to maybe sometime in the future meet someplace and hang out. That does not seem like the nice, wonderful, or romantic first date story for me to gab to my girlfriends about and journal. Text messaging is so informal and unpersonal. I have never met a girl who didn't want a little romance! I understand that dating has become like swimming in a shark tank and the fear of rejection is in the air. But, if you don't try you'll never succeed. It's better to ask and get a "No, thank you I am just interested in remaining friends." than to never ask at all while the girl of your dreams sits and waits.
The date:
In our modern day society it has become so much easier to just take a girl to a local starbucks and talk than to actually plan out an activity. I understand that the former is much simpler and less stressful on you, but think about what you want as a result of this first date. Do you want to just hang out and get to know the person on a superficial level? Or do you want to possible turn this into a relationship? I'm guessing that you want to possibly turn it into a relationship. I quote: "Now is not the time to hang out!" And having lack of funds is no excuse. There are plenty of inexpensive/non money dates that you can plan as long as you look and think! Remember, romance is key and this girl you are taking out is going to tell all of her friends about this date. Taking the time to pick the girl up is a very very good gesture, this tells us that you care enough about our date to want to spend the extra time with me. and for goodness sakes OPEN HER DOOR FOR HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I cannot stress that enough! There is nothing more flattering than a man opening your door for you. It is gentlemanly, kind, sweet, respectful, and just plain cute! Always go for the door unless she specifically tells you that she does not want you to. But, unless she says that, always open her door! Example: I am a modern girl of the 21st century, but the first thing on my list when a man takes me out on a date is the door. If he doesn't open my door for me that is the first knock down of the night, I think to myself that he doesn't respect me enough to take 5 seconds and open my door. It's the gentleman thing to do and lets face it who doesn't want to be described as a gentleman. A little statistic for you. I asked 10 girls if they would like their man to open their door for them. All 10 responded back with a sincere Yes!
Now, for the bulk of the date. There is nothing more annoying to us ladies than getting in the car and the man has not planned anything out for our date. He has no requests whatsoever and has nothing planned. This shows us a huge lack of respect. As a girl going out on a date we take our time to make sure we look nice and smell good and get all excited and tell people we're going on a date! We don't want it to be a dud! Please dress appropriate to what the activity is and have it planned for us. Sometimes it is nice to get into the car and have him ask me if I would like to go to this restraunt or this restraunt. But for the activity don't let us have to think it up at the last minute.
Hanky Panky:
As a general rule, for a first date doorstep scene a hug is the most appropriate. Listen to our body language and what we are saying and acting before you try to go in for a kiss. Sometimes it is so nice to have the man wait. It shows an enormous ammount of respect and will also get you another date! There is nothing that ruins a date more than trying to go too fast. We want to be treated like the lady that we are and see you as the man you are.
The doorstep scene:
Go watch Hitch. He's very correct. Now, you've had a lovely evening and things have gone really well. You pull up to the lady's house and what do you do? Open up her door and walk her to her doorstep! She's not a friend she's your date. At the doorstep, compliment her on the wonderful evening you've had. If you've got the balls go ahead and ask if she'd like to go out again sometime. If not it is perfectly ok to give a hug and leave it at that. Then at a later date she may suggest another date or you can ask for another date. It's all good.
The most important message of them all is to treat a lady like she should be treated! These things I have described is a small basic guideline of a date and I promise you it works. Don't let a good one slip through the cracks because of small mistakes in manners!
Asking a girl out:
Do you A: text message her asking "would you like to hang out sometime maybe?"
or B: in person ask "I am really interested in trying to get to know you better, would you allow me the honor of taking you out on a date?"
If you said A I give you a smack on the head. No girl wants to tell their friends yeah he just texted me asking to hang out. If you use method B your odds of getting a yes and a date are 4/5.
Why is it that text messaging has now become the way to ask out someone on a date? It's in no way romantic and a little cowardish that you don't want to take me out on a date, you want to maybe sometime in the future meet someplace and hang out. That does not seem like the nice, wonderful, or romantic first date story for me to gab to my girlfriends about and journal. Text messaging is so informal and unpersonal. I have never met a girl who didn't want a little romance! I understand that dating has become like swimming in a shark tank and the fear of rejection is in the air. But, if you don't try you'll never succeed. It's better to ask and get a "No, thank you I am just interested in remaining friends." than to never ask at all while the girl of your dreams sits and waits.
The date:
In our modern day society it has become so much easier to just take a girl to a local starbucks and talk than to actually plan out an activity. I understand that the former is much simpler and less stressful on you, but think about what you want as a result of this first date. Do you want to just hang out and get to know the person on a superficial level? Or do you want to possible turn this into a relationship? I'm guessing that you want to possibly turn it into a relationship. I quote: "Now is not the time to hang out!" And having lack of funds is no excuse. There are plenty of inexpensive/non money dates that you can plan as long as you look and think! Remember, romance is key and this girl you are taking out is going to tell all of her friends about this date. Taking the time to pick the girl up is a very very good gesture, this tells us that you care enough about our date to want to spend the extra time with me. and for goodness sakes OPEN HER DOOR FOR HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I cannot stress that enough! There is nothing more flattering than a man opening your door for you. It is gentlemanly, kind, sweet, respectful, and just plain cute! Always go for the door unless she specifically tells you that she does not want you to. But, unless she says that, always open her door! Example: I am a modern girl of the 21st century, but the first thing on my list when a man takes me out on a date is the door. If he doesn't open my door for me that is the first knock down of the night, I think to myself that he doesn't respect me enough to take 5 seconds and open my door. It's the gentleman thing to do and lets face it who doesn't want to be described as a gentleman. A little statistic for you. I asked 10 girls if they would like their man to open their door for them. All 10 responded back with a sincere Yes!
Now, for the bulk of the date. There is nothing more annoying to us ladies than getting in the car and the man has not planned anything out for our date. He has no requests whatsoever and has nothing planned. This shows us a huge lack of respect. As a girl going out on a date we take our time to make sure we look nice and smell good and get all excited and tell people we're going on a date! We don't want it to be a dud! Please dress appropriate to what the activity is and have it planned for us. Sometimes it is nice to get into the car and have him ask me if I would like to go to this restraunt or this restraunt. But for the activity don't let us have to think it up at the last minute.
Hanky Panky:
As a general rule, for a first date doorstep scene a hug is the most appropriate. Listen to our body language and what we are saying and acting before you try to go in for a kiss. Sometimes it is so nice to have the man wait. It shows an enormous ammount of respect and will also get you another date! There is nothing that ruins a date more than trying to go too fast. We want to be treated like the lady that we are and see you as the man you are.
The doorstep scene:
Go watch Hitch. He's very correct. Now, you've had a lovely evening and things have gone really well. You pull up to the lady's house and what do you do? Open up her door and walk her to her doorstep! She's not a friend she's your date. At the doorstep, compliment her on the wonderful evening you've had. If you've got the balls go ahead and ask if she'd like to go out again sometime. If not it is perfectly ok to give a hug and leave it at that. Then at a later date she may suggest another date or you can ask for another date. It's all good.
The most important message of them all is to treat a lady like she should be treated! These things I have described is a small basic guideline of a date and I promise you it works. Don't let a good one slip through the cracks because of small mistakes in manners!
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Modeling
The standard dictionary defines modeling: the quality, production, expression, or realm, according to aesthetic principles, of what is beautiful, appealing, or of more than ordinary significance.
Recently I have started modeling again and I am very very happy about this experience, however I did have some downers. Some people nameless have called my modeling skanky and too suggestive. Well I would like them to refer to the definition. the expression of what is beautiful, appealing, or of more than ordinary significance. The photo shoot I was on was a grunge shoot showing the life and style of Grunge Fasion.
I love this photo shoot. I loved being apart of it. And I wish people would just be supportive. So here for your enjoyment is my photos from the Grunge Series.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
1 month clean and sober
The poem is really small and the credit goes to Jill Wolf..(whoever she may be).. but my newly found hope goes out to her and to her poem don't quit:
___________
Don't Quit
Don't quit when the tide is lowest,
For it's just about to turn;
Don't quit over doubts and questions,
For there's something you may learn.
Don't quit when the night is darkest,
For it's just a while 'til dawn;
Don't quit when you've run the farthest,
For the race is almost won.
Don't quit when the hill is steepest,
For your goal is almost nigh;
Don't quit, for you're not a failure
Until you fail to try.
Today I am 1 month sober
___________
Don't Quit
Don't quit when the tide is lowest,
For it's just about to turn;
Don't quit over doubts and questions,
For there's something you may learn.
Don't quit when the night is darkest,
For it's just a while 'til dawn;
Don't quit when you've run the farthest,
For the race is almost won.
Don't quit when the hill is steepest,
For your goal is almost nigh;
Don't quit, for you're not a failure
Until you fail to try.
Today I am 1 month sober
Friday, June 25, 2010
GEEEK!!
So I was on Face book and commented on my friends profile.
this is the conversation:
Jennifer Evans: oh kayla kayla...... would you guys be interested in coming up the canyon this Friday night to see the lunar eclipse? we'd sleep in the back of our cars, I'd take my mom's suv.
Valerie Eddings: Dude when is the eclipse happening?
Jennifer Evans: I want to but I can't find a group! I know Jordan Commons still has seats in the very front for the midnight and wherever in the 2:30 AM.
Jennifer Evans: we'd need to get a group and one person buy all our tickets and we pay them back
Valerie Eddings: I . . . . . ? . . . When is the eclipse?
Jennifer Evans: WOW I totally just went twigeek on you I thought you were talking about the movie! The LUNAR eclipse is tomorrow night at 2 am. The Twilight Eclipse is the 30th.
Valerie Eddings: WAHAHAHA! What a hilarious misunderstanding!
Jennifer Evans: I know!!! This is my emberassing moment/blonde/twilightlover moment of my life.
this is the conversation:
Jennifer Evans: oh kayla kayla...... would you guys be interested in coming up the canyon this Friday night to see the lunar eclipse? we'd sleep in the back of our cars, I'd take my mom's suv.
Valerie Eddings: Dude when is the eclipse happening?
Jennifer Evans: I want to but I can't find a group! I know Jordan Commons still has seats in the very front for the midnight and wherever in the 2:30 AM.
Jennifer Evans: we'd need to get a group and one person buy all our tickets and we pay them back
Valerie Eddings: I . . . . . ? . . . When is the eclipse?
Jennifer Evans: WOW I totally just went twigeek on you I thought you were talking about the movie! The LUNAR eclipse is tomorrow night at 2 am. The Twilight Eclipse is the 30th.
Valerie Eddings: WAHAHAHA! What a hilarious misunderstanding!
Jennifer Evans: I know!!! This is my emberassing moment/blonde/twilightlover moment of my life.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Pieces
I'm here again
A thousand miles away from you
A broken mess, just scattered pieces of who I am
I tried so hard
Thought I could do this on my own
I've lost so much along the way
Then I'll see your face
I know I'm finally yours
I find everything I thought I lost before
You call my name
I come to you in pieces
So you can make me whole
I've come undone
But you make sense of who I am
Like puzzle pieces in your eye
Then I'll see your face
I know I'm finally yours
I find everything I thought I lost before
You call my name
I come to you in pieces
So you can make me whole!
I tried so hard So hard
I tried so hard
Then I'll see your face
I know I'm finally yours
I find everything I thought I lost before
You call my name
I come to you in pieces
So you can make me whole
So you can make me whole
A thousand miles away from you
A broken mess, just scattered pieces of who I am
I tried so hard
Thought I could do this on my own
I've lost so much along the way
Then I'll see your face
I know I'm finally yours
I find everything I thought I lost before
You call my name
I come to you in pieces
So you can make me whole
I've come undone
But you make sense of who I am
Like puzzle pieces in your eye
Then I'll see your face
I know I'm finally yours
I find everything I thought I lost before
You call my name
I come to you in pieces
So you can make me whole!
I tried so hard So hard
I tried so hard
Then I'll see your face
I know I'm finally yours
I find everything I thought I lost before
You call my name
I come to you in pieces
So you can make me whole
So you can make me whole
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Failure is not an option
I recently went on a retreat to get away from everything. I went camping with my dear pirate friends. Just staring into the fire and looking into the sky. Made me feel my savior's love. I hate that I'm weak. I don't forgive easy and I'm one of my harshest judges. Recently I was made to be weak, someone did something and blah blah blah. Basically they took their drama to me and I didn't take it. I've lost 2 friends out of it, one because she was stupid and I can't handle talking to stupid people, the other I lost because I need to grow and learn how to live without that fallback. I need to know how to be ok without having to have to talk to him. One of the hardest things in life is to let someone go when they are hurting you... maybe one day I can have him back but until then I'll always love you.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Step 2: Hope
Come to believe that the power of God can restore you to complete spiritual health.
As someone who believes I have done like everything I can to place myself away from the lord complete spiritual health is hard to come by. But this is repentance. It is the foundation for repentance. What it's all about. But I must humble myself to ask for his help.
As someone who believes I have done like everything I can to place myself away from the lord complete spiritual health is hard to come by. But this is repentance. It is the foundation for repentance. What it's all about. But I must humble myself to ask for his help.
Step 1: Honesty
Admit that you, of yourself, are powerless to overcome you addictions and that your life has become unmanageable.
I fully admit this. My addictions has placed me into debt, I've lost my job, my friends, my hobbies, and some of my mind. I don't have a lot of choices when it comes to the future but this is one of them. To keep going. In keeping with the steps I have become honest about my addiction to myself and to those around me. I often feel encompassed or trapped in situations or in life in general. Being alone and single with friends. No one to talk to before I go to bed at night. Loneliness being a huge factor in why I began in the first place.
Placing trust in the Lord is a big issue for me, I haven't always in the past and have failed. I know the only path to suceed is by faith. But I don't have a lot of faith. I literally watched someone die from this disease and it kinda placed a huge dent into my faith.
I fully admit this. My addictions has placed me into debt, I've lost my job, my friends, my hobbies, and some of my mind. I don't have a lot of choices when it comes to the future but this is one of them. To keep going. In keeping with the steps I have become honest about my addiction to myself and to those around me. I often feel encompassed or trapped in situations or in life in general. Being alone and single with friends. No one to talk to before I go to bed at night. Loneliness being a huge factor in why I began in the first place.
Placing trust in the Lord is a big issue for me, I haven't always in the past and have failed. I know the only path to suceed is by faith. But I don't have a lot of faith. I literally watched someone die from this disease and it kinda placed a huge dent into my faith.
Friday, May 7, 2010
when I close my eyes and drift away....
have you ever skipped time? like time just stops for a minute and then you wake up and it's 2 years later.... I've just experienced it. I don't know if I should keep going like the past 2 years haven't happened? Or do I play catchup and try to get up to date? I wish Justin was here. He'd know exactly what to say and what to do...
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